Thoughts While Doing the Laundry

I went to do the laundry the other day and found myself perusing a People magazine.  It was the August 29 2011 issue.  The article that caught me eye was; Can Corporal Ian Manning Save His Marriage?  The article was written by Sharon Cotliar with  photographs by Nina Berman.

The article tells the story of Ian and Bernadette Manning.  Both are struggling with Ian's return from Iraq.  Ian is not the same man that left for Iraq, nor is Bernadette the same woman who said good bye to Ian.  Combat changes a person.  Being left at home while your loved one is in harm's way changes a person too.

Ian and Bernadette go on a retreat which is hosted by Project Sanctuary.  Heather Ehle is the founder of Project Sanctuary.  Heather credits the participants with the success of the project.  Heather and Project Sanctuary have created an ideal resort like setting staffed by volunteers and paid professionals.  They, as of the writing of the article, have a waiting list of 700 military families.   You can see more at: Project Sanctuary.

I am of the belief that Ian can not save his marriage.  It will take more than just Ian to do that.  Ian and Bernadette had only known each other for two weeks before they were engaged.  They married five months later.  Not much time to really get to know each other.  Now Ian is back and diagnosed with PTSD.  They don't share much of anything together anymore.  A very common situation for soldiers and their families.  But they have a much better chance to save their marriage because of Project Sanctuary.

Bernadette and Ian are lucky to have a support group.  The soldiers returning from Viet Nam weren't as lucky.  The Viet Nam returning soldier had very little support.  There weren't yellow ribbons on cars and "Support Our Troops" signs everywhere.  Entertainers were not forming support groups then either.  As a Nation we abandoned not only the soldier, but the families also.

My mother raised four children and had my Grandma (with a heart condition) move in while my Dad was in Viet Nam.   She also held down a full-time job.  She survived a tornado and a bad car accident.

Her support group was made up her children, my Grandma, and friends.  There were protesters everywhere and no own said, "Support our Troops".  They survived because they really knew each other before they got married.  They survived because they had and have a tremendous faith in God and a shared religion.  They shared a foundation of friendship before they were married. 

I wish you luck Ian and Bernadette.  You will have a long road ahead of you.  The real work is after the retreat.

  Support our Troops!  It should be more than a yellow plastic ribbon stuck on a car.

The Church on the Hill

I am a cradle Catholic.  I do not have a single memory of a time of when I was not Catholic.  It is a part of the fabric of who I am.
Sure I haven't always been a practicing Catholic, but in time of trouble I find my rosary in my hand and Hail Marys falling from my lips.  I grew up when Mass went from Latin to the vernacular.  I missed so many things when we went to  English Mass.  Nuns in Habits, my big missal with all the colored ribbons, the tradition of Latin and the priest's back to you.  It was all a mystery, but a mystery that I was part of...I grew to love the new Mass.  I sang at the Guitar Mass, taught CCD and was happy with the changes.
I fell away from the Church.  Now I am trying to come back.  It is a struggle.  It appears that there are more changes on the horizon for the Liturgy of the Mass.  It has been 40 years and now they want to change some of the wording.  Okay, I can learn new versions of prayers.  It will take some time I am sure, but I know that I can do it.
Here is the fly in the ointment.  I know in my heart that church is more than a building and more than the priest.  It is suppose to be my relationship to God and how I live my life.  So I move to a place where there is this new monstrosity of a church.  It sits on a mesa and overlooks the entire town.  It is so tall that they had to get a permission from the City Fathers to build above the approved height requirement.  It has taken them 19 years to complete the church and they still have a shortfall of over $237,000.  In my humble opinion they should not have built a church until they had all the money needed.  It is fiscally irresponsible!  I also believe that they didn't need this big a church.  A smaller building would have served the Parish and they could have clothed and fed a lot of poor people with that money.   But even the building itself is really not the issue.

The real issue is...the place feels cold.  Not just the building, it is the priest and the people.  I never have felt welcome.  I never feel that I have been to Mass.  The whole environment feels negative.  For example, when the Choir Director comes down to help the congregation learn some of the new Responsorial Psalms, instead of introducing them with a positive outlook he says, " I have to teach you these new responses."  How about this instead, "As you know the Church is changing some of the Liturgy and I am here to help you learn the new responses."

So I went across the river to Nevada and found a home.  The priest met us at the door before Mass.  All the people said good morning.  It is a small well designed building but feels welcoming.  Before Mass the commentator invited us to say Hello to the people around us.  People are shaking hands, hugging, waving from across the way.  Smiles and more smiles.  They wanted us there and they wanted to be there.  The sermon was uplifting and not condemning.  When I walked out I felt that I had been to Mass.